I have to move!!!

That was the first thing I half-hysterically yelled to Heidi when I got home from church on Sunday. Let me start at the beginning.

I arrived at church just a couple of minutes before Sacrament Meeting started, so I slipped into the overflow and sat on the inside isle of an empty row, kindly leaving room closer to the door for anyone who might come in a little late. A few minutes later, a couple came in and took the seats closest to the door, so there were two empty seats between us. No one else sat there, so after the sacrament was over, I set my scriptures and small hymn book on the seat next to me. I sat and enjoyed all of the meeting (it was fast Sunday) until 2:05pm. Yes, that's right. My ward starts at 1:00pm, so testimony meeting is supposed to wind down around 2:05. There were still about three people waiting to bear their testimonies, and I was really enjoying the meeting, so I wasn't bothered by that fact...yet.

Suddenly and quite literally out of nowhere, a man was standing at my shoulder and said, "Can I sit there?" As I nodded my assent I was thinking "why didn't he just wait in the foyer for another three minutes?" He stepped across me and I assumed he would take the empty seat next to the couple, but he stood in front of the chair next to me until I moved my books, and then he sat down very, very close to me. At that point I was a little uncomfortable, which was strange since I normally don't have a weird reaction to a stranger sitting next to me in church. Little did I know that it was about to get even more strange!

As the next person got up and started bearing their testimony, the man next to me started murmuring in what I swear was a different language. I should pause here to mention that I had not really looked at the man, except to notice that he had a full, dark beard as he stepped past me. So when he started mumbling in a foreign language, and I could see out of the corner of my eye that he was staring at me, my extremely overactive imagination took over. I started thinking that maybe my neighbor was a terrorist and was going to bomb the church. Then I imagined that he was suddenly going to put a knife to my throat and drag me out of the building. Now, I know you are thinking that I was really pushing the extremes of reality here, but you should know that my "creep radar" was humming loudly, and no matter how hard I prayed, I could not settle down and feel peace.

So, there I was staring at the pulpit so as not to make eye contact with the starer, and trying to think how I was going to get away from him the second the meeting ended. I thought about just gathering up my stuff and leaving, but I thought that would look really rude since he had just sat down (and I was half afraid he would follow me anyway). Finally, the last person sat down, the Bishop announced the closing hymn, and I picked up my little mini hymnbook.

Just as I reached the correct hymn number, the stalking lion next to me reached over me, grabbed my book and leaned practically all his weight on me. As if he couldn't sit up on his own power!!! After he had done that, he asked if he could share my book. Well how do you say no at that point? So I made some non-committal noise, and started singing. Never have I been so grateful for a short closing hymn! I'm sure at that point you could visibly see the waves of tension rising from my body. Finally the song ended, the prayer was said, and before I could grab my primary bag, my new "friend" had grabbed my hand, said his name and asked mine. I couldn't think of how to get around telling him my name, so I very quietly told him my name. To my great relief, after shaking my hand four different times, and telling me twice that we "should see each other again really soon!", he left.

Needless to say, I was a bundle of nerves at that point, as I quickly made my way to the primary room, all the while checking over my shoulder to be sure he wasn't following behind me. I sat down on my row, and tried to resume breathing. As I was trying to regain some composure before being faced with a bunch of excited four-year-olds, the primary president came to me and said "I was sitting right behind you. You can't ever sit alone again!" I asked her who that guy was, and she smiled sympathetically and said she would tell me later.

After church was over, I saw the president in the hall, and she just started laughing. She informed me that she believes my new "pal" purposely comes late to church and he will stand at the back to scan the room for the one woman sitting by herself and then he will go sit next to her. She said that sometimes he'll even get to the woman, see she has a ring or something, and then scan the room again before finding a "suitable seat". She told me that she was so uncomfortable for me, and had even considered leaning forward and asking me to come with her to the primary room. (How I wish she had!) She said that when he grabbed my book, she even leaned over to her husband and exclaimed over his presumptuousness. (That's not exactly how she put it, but it gives you a good idea of what she said). She finished the conversation by telling me that from now on, I need to plan in advance who I am going to sit by in church.

I feel like a small animal that is about to become dinner for some stealthy predator. And that is why I have to move! People wonder why I'm not married....yeah, me too! ;)